Emotional Wellbeing

Whatever you are feeling, it makes sense. Understanding your emotional response is an important step towards feeling more like yourself again. 

Having a stoma can bring a wide range of emotions, and they can change from day to day. You might feel relieved one moment and worried, sad or frustrated the next. All of this is a normal part of adjusting to a major change in your body and your routines. This page explains some of the most common experiences, so you can recognise them, make sense of them and feel less alone. 

Adjusting to change: 

Adjusting to a stoma is rarely a single event. It is usually a gradual process with good days and harder days. Here are some of the things many people go through. 

• Facing the possibility of a stoma – Before surgery, thinking about having a stoma and what it might mean for your life can feel daunting. You may feel worried, uncertain or overwhelmed as you think about the surgery, recovery and changes ahead. You do not have to work through every question at once, and you can ask your healthcare team to talk through what to expect. 

• Getting used to life after surgery – Recovering from surgery and learning new routines can be tiring, both physically and emotionally. It is common to feel overwhelmed at first and to need time to find a rhythm that works for you. 

• Temporary versus permanent stomas – Some stomas are temporary and may be reversed in the future, while others are permanent. Each situation can bring its own feelings, whether that is uncertainty about what comes next or adjusting to long-term change. 

• Feeling that your body has changed – Your body may look and feel different from before. It can take time for your mind to catch up with these changes and to feel at home in your body again. 

• Loss, grief and adjustment – Many people feel a sense of loss for the way things were, even when surgery was necessary or life-saving. Grieving the old and adjusting to the new can happen at the same time. 

• Mixed feelings about your stoma – You might feel grateful for what your stoma has made possible while also feeling upset, resentful or unsure about it. Holding both sets of feelings is common. 

• When adjustment takes longer than expected – There is no set timeline. If you feel stuck or are finding things harder as time goes on, you are not failing, and support is available. 

Common emotional reactions: 

People respond differently to the prospect of stoma surgery and to life afterwards, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. Whether you are preparing for surgery or adjusting to a stoma, you may recognise some of the following reactions in yourself. 

• Worry and anxiety – Before surgery, you may worry about what the operation and recovery will involve, or what having a stoma might mean for your life. Afterwards, concerns may include leaks, odour, noise, finding toilets or what could go wrong when you are out. 

• Low mood – You may feel flat, sad or tearful as you think about the changes ahead, or while adjusting after surgery. You may also find it harder to enjoy things you usually look forward to. 

• Frustration – Before surgery, uncertainty about what will happen and wanting clearer answers can feel frustrating. Afterwards, learning new routines and taking time to recover and adjust can also be tiring and irritating. 

• Embarrassment – You may feel uncomfortable talking about the possibility of a stoma before surgery, or self-conscious about your stoma or pouch afterwards. You might worry about what other people will notice or how to explain the changes. 

• Anger – You may feel angry about your illness, the need for surgery or the changes you are facing or already living with. You do not have to feel positive about what is happening. 

• Feeling different – Even before surgery, you may feel that friends and family do not fully understand what you are facing. After surgery, you might feel set apart from others as you get used to life with a stoma. 

• Loss of confidence – Before surgery, you may question how you will cope with recovery, stoma care or returning to everyday life. Afterwards, doubts about your body or your ability to do what you used to do may lead you to hold back from things you value. 

These experiences are common, understandable and do not mean that something is wrong with you. Stoma organisations in Australia also recognise that living with a stoma can affect mental health, and they offer resources on acceptance, telling other people about your stoma and connecting with peer support. Feeling this way does not mean you are not coping. It means you are adjusting to something significant. 

When to reach out for extra support: 

If your feelings are affecting your sleep, relationships, work or day-to-day life, or if they are not easing over time, it may help to talk with someone. You could start with your stomal therapy nurse, your GP or another member of your healthcare team, or you could speak with a psychologist or other mental health professional. Asking for support is a sign of looking after yourself, not a sign of failing to cope. 

Your feelings are valid, and adjusting takes time. Explore the other pages in this section for practical ideas to help you feel more confident, one step at a time.